Chapter 10. Aunty Rita

Aunty Rita

I was always spoilt rotten

Because my young childhood was never forgotten

I was bought expensive clothes and expensive underwear

I was bought designer perfume and got extensions in my hair

Mum used to buy me all sorts of nice things

From silver jewellery, to nine carat gold rings

Dad wasn’t at home very much, he was always at work

I didn’t know what he did; I think he was an office clerk

But it was OK as I had my Aunty Rita

She used to be married to my uncle peter

Aunty Rita was my mum’s twin sister

They stuck together like a plaster to a blister

If my mum was busy Aunty Rita would be there

She was very stylish and wore things with flair

She was as mad and as flambouent as they came

Her crazy antics drove me insane

Mum and Rita looked like two peas in a pod

But Aunty Rita behaved a little odd

Not in a deranged way, she was just a little aloof

Her weird ways and habits were enough proof

Her house was immaculate, clean and tidy

She would rearrange the furniture every Friday

She would make us take our shoes off at the front door

Hated the look of shoe prints on her highly polished floor

She would wash her hands twenty times a day

She said it helped keep the germs and bugs at bay

Aunty Rita was lovely but very queer

She didn’t like people to come to near

She dreaded the thought of catching the flu

Said people harboured more germs than a public loo

Rita said germs were every where

On people’s clothes, in people’s hair

On people’s hands, in people’s ears

Yes germs were Aunty Rita’s worst fears

I remember her coming to visit, she had a black eye

“I walked into a door” she had said with a sigh

We all knew my Uncle Peter was mean and tough

But one day Aunty Rita had suffered enough

Peter was having an affair, Rita caught him playing away

And started divorce proceedings the very next day

She had a party when the divorce came through

She was parting hard; she said “Why should I be blue?”

But Aunty Rita had a bad heart

And for this she had to keep a chart

I don’t know what the chart was for

But she couldn’t go above ten or more

She wasn’t allowed any stress

She wasn’t meant to be under duress

I loved my Aunty Rita almost as much as my mum

My Aunty Rita was the best, she was my best chum

I asked Aunty Rita about my biological mum

She pulled a face that looked so glum

She said that my mum was evil and mad

And that my dad was just as bad

She said mum was a big believer in the occult

And against the authorities she would often revolt

She said my real mum believed in Witch Craft

She said all that mumbo jumbo was just daft

Rita said I was better off without my real mum

And that my real mum and dad were nothing but scum

Aunty Rita was probably right

She was always clever and bright

So I put my real mum and dad to the back of my head

As far as I was concerned they may as well be dead

Chapter 11