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Do Not Cry
Do Not Cry
Do not cry when I have gone,
I’ll see you soon, it won’t be long.
You’ll hear my laugh in the springtime breeze,
You’ll hear my song from the birds in the trees.
I am the fallen blossom that dances through the street,
I am the grass that grows beneath your feet.
Do not cry, it’s not goodbye.
I am in the heavens, wrapped in golden light,
I am the stars that shine so clear and bright.
I am the spring rain that falls from above,
Landing on you softly, showering you with love.
I am the colour from flowers growing wild,
I am the love to which you embrace a child.
Do not cry, it’s not goodbye.
I am no longer afraid or in pain,
Don’t be sad, you have nothing to gain.
Remember me with joy and love,
I will be watching you from above.
Think of me when you look at the moon,
Do not cry, I will see you soon.
Do not cry, it’s not goodbye
But for now, carry on,
I’m here in soul, I have not gone.
Hold your head high, Try to be strong,
Your grief and sorrow, you must not prolong.
Be brave, have strength and be happy,
Remember these words when you think of me.
Do not cry for it is not goodbye
Chapter 12. Call For An Ambulance
Call For An Ambulance
I heard a noise from outside of my window
I looked out and saw Louise below
She was running past my garden gate
Running past with AnnMarie, her mate
Inside my head I cussed at her, wished she were dead
And for a few seconds, I turned my head
What happened next was like a bad dream
I faced the window again, as I heard a piercing scream
Louise was impaled on one of the gates metal spikes
Lying next to her were two racing bikes
Louise’s feet were touching the floor
But the spike was embedded through her jaw
AnnMarie was sobbing and crying
Louise was stuck on the spike, bleeding and dying
Two little kids were shouting “It was an accident
We didn’t mean to crash into her, it was not meant”
She had lost lots of blood, her face was grey
I could see her life slipping away
I just stood leaning against the window sill
I couldn’t move, I kept still
I watched Louise as her blood ran down her chin and arm
I knew she had done some serious harm
Her feet suddenly started to slip
From the ground they lost their grip
Louise started to splutter, started to cough
As her jaw almost got ripped off
I whisper to myself “You’ve dropped something on the floor
Oh yes Louise, it is your jaw”
I could see her eyes rolling to the top of her head
If she didn’t receive help, she would soon be dead
I opened the window and stuck my head out
“Call for an ambulance!” I heard AnnMarie shout
I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t know why
For some strange reason, I wanted Louise to die
I heard a voice screaming in my head
THAT LITTLE COW, DESERVES TO BE DEAD
I saw Louise’s body begin to shake and quiver
Down my spine, ran a cold shiver
I knew Louise’s body was quickly failing
In the distance I hear an ambulance siren wailing
“The ambulance is coming” I hear AnnMarie hark
Then all I remember is the room going dark
Next thing I know, I was tucked up in bed
Mum sitting beside me, telling me Louise was dead
I think as I fainted, I must have hit my head off the floor
Because my head was extremely sore
Sore wasn’t the word, as it hurt very much
Yet strangely… not to the touch
The next few weeks past in a blur
All I kept seeing was images of her
The headaches were driving me insane
I thought I had a haemorrhage in my brain
My mental health needed some attention
I went to the doctors to seek medical intervention
To the doctor I gave a symptom description
He took out a pad and wrote a prescription
He said most people would have done the same in my situation
He also recommended a well needed vacation
But I didn’t want to go on holiday
I didn’t want to go away
I just wanted to be left alone
I just wanted to be on my own
My behaviour was causing mum and dad to be stressed
So they went on holiday instead, they thought it was best
I hope you enjoyed my little preview to The Jaw. Please bookmark this blog to find out all the up to date news on when The Jaw will be available to buy.
Chapter 11. Hit a Nerve
Hit a Nerve
Life was good for many years
I had no worries, stress or fears
My eighteenth birthday was such fun
I received expensive gifts from everyone
Perfume, jewellery designer suits
Manicures, Pedicures and leather boots
Leather handbags, bottles of champagne
Solid gold earrings, an expensive gold chain
Aunty Rita made me a birthday cake
She loved to cook, she loved to bake
She also booked me a limousine
I felt as though I was a queen
I felt like a queen minus the crown
I looked my friends up and down
I thought I was so much better than them
And that’s where my snobbery started to stem
I always used to have lots of money
Mock my friends, I thought it was funny
Louise, Helen and AnnMarie
Had much less than me
Louise was talking to her friend
She was upfront, she didn’t pretend
I think I might have hit a nerve
Because I overheard something I didn’t deserve”
“She thinks that she is gorgeous, thinks that she is pretty
She thinks that she is funny; she thinks that she is witty
She thinks she is a beauty queen
She thinks she’s God, she thinks she’s supreme
But she is nothing but a spoilt little cow
I tell you this and I tell you this now
She is nothing but a gold digger
Each day her greed gets bigger and bigger
How dare she compare me?
And how dare she compare thee
She walks around with her head stuck up her bum
Just because she has a fairly rich mum
She thinks she is better than all of us
At her I would like to scream and cuss
I hate the way she styles her hair
I hate the way she holds her nose up in the air
She is nothing but a tart
I tell you something, she had better not start
I would love to slap her face
I would love to shove her all over the place
I would love to slap her sore
She thinks she is rich and we are poor
Well poor her, I am telling you now
She is nothing but a spoilt cow
AnnMarie only pretends to like her
To lose Betty’s friendship, she would prefer
If Betty wasn’t my so called friend
I would get her arm and her arm I would bend
I would bend it right in half
She would cry, she wouldn’t laugh
How dare she have the nerve to mock me?
I will get her back, just wait and see
I am going to wait until late at night
And jump out on her and give her a fright
Then I am going to break her arm
I am going to cause her such harm
Then I am going to jump on her head
I’m not going to stop until she is dead
I hate the way she looks down on me
I’m going to kick her in the eye, until she can’t see
And then upon her head I will pound
I will make sure she never gets off the ground
I’m sorry girls; I know she’s meant to be our friend
But her boasting drives me around the bend
I’m sorry girls; I shouldn’t have said all that
But she is nothing but a dirty alley cat
I’m sorry girls if I sounded snotty
But her soul is so murky and grotty
Come on girls before I pretend to blub
Who is coming with me to the pub?”
“Well I couldn’t believe what I had just heard
How stupid, how silly, how dumb, how absurd
They were just bitches, it was plain to see
None of it was true, it was just jealousy
They were so petty and pathetic
Their jibes and cruelty just made me sick
They were just jealous because my life was perfect
So until they apologised, their friendship I would neglect
What they said had obviously hurt
How dare Louise talk about me as if I were dirt!
So I tossed my head back and walked back home
My friendship… they had just blown
Well of course I was very upset
How mean can anyone get?
Those things they had said about me were not true
They were just bitches through and through
At least I could turn to my mum
Make her feel sorry for me by sucking my thumb
If I fluttered my eyelashes and pretended to get upset
Many hugs and kisses I would get
I loved her kiss, I loved her hug
It would make me feel warm and snug
I loved the kisses my mum would give me
They weren’t like Graham’s, all sordid and seedy
So I went home and told my mum
Sat on her knee and sucked my thumb
Mum said “Don’t worry, your pain will go away”
And that Louise would be sorry one day
I went to go and tidy my room
Gave it a quick sweep with the broom
I went to throw a very old coat away
I looked in the pocket, Oh wow…Hey
There was my locket from long ago
Should I throw it away? I must not, oh no
So I put the locket around my neck
And it was still as itchy as heck
I swore I would never take it off my neck again
And from removing it I would refrain
Chapter 12
Chapter 9. Run Rabbit, Run Rabbit
Run Rabbit, Run Rabbit
Anyway let me get back to my mum
She was vivacious and bubbly, she was so much fun
Mum was beautiful and had long blonde hair
Her skin so silky, soft and fair
Mum couldn’t have babies, she had problems below
And dad’s sperm count was very low
Dad was clean shaven and polite
He was tall, he reached some height
Mum and dad were kind to me
They were the kindest that they could be
They were not that particularly wealthy
But what spare money they had, they spent on me
They said that I was worth every pound
As a better daughter, they could not have found
I remember buying a pet rabbit with my pocket money
Oh how I adored my black and white bunny
I lived a few years in luxury
I was spoilt rotten, everyone could see
My life was great, my life was swell
Until they adopted another girl as well
I had to fight for all that was mine
She was a pig, she was a swine
We always fought for mum’s attention
I called her a few names that I won’t mention
I detested her, she detested me
There was always some sibling rivalry
I wasn’t starved of love or affection
Or cuddles, or kisses, or protection
That was until my adopted sister came
Then she nuzzled in on the game
I had to suddenly share my room
I hoped she would go someday soon
But she wasn’t going, she was there to stay
I had to get rid of her somehow, some way
One day I gave myself a bruise
I thought what the hell I have nothing to lose
I said that my adopted sister had done it
And that she had covered my toys in spit
But mum and dad only gave her a caution
Said I should take care with more precaution
I was so mad that my plan didn’t work
It drove me crazy, I went berserk
And one day as clear as light
I did something cruel and very tight
It was by accident I do swear
But I wasn’t bothered, I didn’t care
I trapped bunny’s foot in the door
I said she had done it by stomping on its paw
My bunny was in pain, and she was bleeding
Of some first aid, she was needing
I thought she would now leave, but mum scolded her instead
This sent me crazy, sent me off my head
I had to think of something really evil to do
I am ashamed now of what I did next, I swear it is true
I slammed the same door on my bunny’s head
I slammed it so hard, it ended up dead
I said she had done it by stomping on its head
And to its death… it had bled
Well mum and dad thought my sister was deranged
And so her departure they swiftly arranged
I was chuckling and laughing with glee
I got rid of her, yes it was me
I had mum and dad all to myself
I wasn’t being left on the shelf
Mum and dad were mine alone
Even if they weren’t my real flesh and bone
If I couldn’t have them, no one could
Loving me only, like they should
Chapter 8. Holidays
Holidays
I was thirteen years old when the abuse finally stopped
A middle aged couple came wanting to adopt
They saw me playing, looking sad and all alone
For me they felt sorry, so they took me to their home
The only thing I took away with me
Was my locket and my precious dolly
I went to live in a nice neighbourhood
They fed and clothed me, did everything they could
I had my own bedroom, I didn’t have to share
I had a telly some toys, a table and a chair
I had pens, pencils and colouring books
A full length mirror to check my looks
I had clean pillows, I had a clean quilt
I had a dolls house, which my foster dad built
I was given lots of toys and had so much fun
I loved having a new dad and mum
We went on holidays, most of the time to Devon
A caravan in Dawlish the devil’s heaven
In Dawlish, devilish rumours were going around
That people found the devil’s footprints on the ground
I loved the wild life, especially the black swans
And the Indian geese, with feathers that shone like bronze
The beach was both sand and shingle
Most people were couples, hardly anyone single
It was is wonder as Dawlish is so nice
Beautiful scenery, a lover’s paradise
Mum and dad loved The Strand
Sometimes a car boot sale, sometimes a band
Dawlish was my favourite place to go
I miss Dawlish I miss it so
I also loved weekend trips to Morecambe
So did my dad, so did my mum
I loved the slots, I loved the Pier
Treasured memories, I hold them dear
The Pleasure beach, the Crazy Mouse
The Super Dome, the brill Fun House
The town centre Chippy, was the best
Back in those days, we were full of zest
I spent my pocket money in the Grand Arcade
Sometimes I lost, sometimes I made
I would sit on the Jetty, drink cans of pop
Spend ages choosing from hundreds of pieces of rock
Shit my pants in Madam Taussauds
Play Donkey Derby, collect my rewards
The wooden Cyclone, the massive Big Wheel
The Log Flume, the Waltzers, they all made me squeal
There used to be a place called Happy Mount Park
We would go there in the morning, back to the hotel after dark
I used to love bouncing on the Trampolines
Mum would sit in the café reading magazines
Dad would sit and listen to music played by the Salvation Army
Mum didn’t like it, it would drive her barmy
But those days are gone, gone in the past
But we all had fun, we all had a blast
But most of all I loved going to Perth
It was truly, the best place on earth!
I don’t miss being dragged to Kinnoull Hill
I was always taken there against my will
That dammed hill was very high
It seemed, as if it reached the sky
I have to admit that the scenery is breath taking
Of this fact, there is no mistaking
I could see Perth City; I could see the Tay River
It was so beautiful, it made me shiver
I used to watch the cattle in the fields below grazing
The scenery was both scary and amazing
I used to love Perth’s most famous pies
They were the best, I tell you no lies
Into my mouth, I would pop one in
I loved the way the grease ran down my chin
I didn’t eat one; I would eat three or four
But I always felt, I had room for one more